Questions & Answers with Hope Vestergaard

What inspired you to write Potty Animals?

After doing a toilet learning workshop for parents, I realized that there is a wealth of information about getting kids to use the toilet, but not so much about what comes after.

One day a young child in my company insisted that I wipe his bottom and I suggested that he try first. When he asked why, I just said, “Everyone takes care of their own bottom.” And he said, “Oh!” and stopped arguing and tried it. He was quite proud of himself! His response reminded me that kids are practical and sometimes just need information and appropriate expectations. I brainstormed other issues beyond wiping that a children’s book could address. (I often brainstorm on napkins at restaurants…what a list that was: “passing gas…bedwetting…splashing…flushing!”).

I thought kids would identify with and relate to the animals more comfortably than if it were a book talking about real children. Being one step removed gives them the emotional space to really get the message without feeling put on the spot.

What do you hope parents and children learn from your book?

Poop happens! Adults are often (understandably) disgusted by bodily functions, and if we convey this to kids during diaper changes and such, (Saying, “Oh, yuck! That stinks!” etc.), we are teaching kids to be grossed out and to dread dealing with these daily issues. Being potty trained is hailed as a big milestone of independence but at the same time, adults often insist on doing the wiping and clean-up and all that to spare the child and to ensure it’s done correctly.

It’s really not so hard to teach kids to do this stuff right, and I’d suggest it’s much easier to do it when they are three than when they are ready to go to Kindergarten and you start worrying about how they’ll wipe themselves at school! Bottom line (ha ha!): there’s no shame in bodily functions and everyone has the same challenges. (I have been amused by how many parents of tweens and teens say their kids could still benefit from this book. I call it a book for children who are potty trained but not yet civilized…and I guess that can describe kids of many ages!)

What’s your advice for parents whose children are successfully potty trained?

Most parents breathe a great sigh of relief once their child can use a toilet, but the work isn’t done yet! Children still need help to learning to be civilized: cleaning themselves, keeping the bathroom tidy, and generally being polite. It doesn’t all happen at once, and there will be wrinkles and setbacks along the way. Don’t despair if your child forgets to flush or tries to skip the hand washing. Playful reminders like the chant at the end of this book are a fun, positive way to help kids stay on task.

What’s the most common mistake that kids make when first learning to use the bathroom at school?

Lots of kids are so caught up in the excitement of play that they wait too long to go to the bathroom and/or rush through the clean-up process. Adults just need to do regular reminders during the “mastery” phase of toilet learning to establish the habit.

What are the most common mistake parents make when teaching their kids to learn to use the toilet?

I think it’s probably recognizing and responding appropriately to signs of readiness. The timing is different for every child, and the range for normal is wider than most people think.

My kids both started using a toilet when they were 18 months. We had a potty in the bathroom, and when it was convenient for them, they used it. But it took months for them to master everything involved: recognizing you need to go, getting to a toilet, cleaning up, etc. At the same time, some kids really don’t show signs of readiness until they are 3 or older, but parents want them to be toilet trained by 3 and start forcing the issue. How and when kids go to the bathroom is one of the things parents truly can’t control, so it shouldn’t become a power struggle or the kids will always win! Instead, be patient and encouraging. Be a coach, not a taskmaster. Coaches know that practice makes perfect.

What’s the most important “rule” to remember?

Being consistent is my number one suggestion for any parenting issue and it applies here, too. Be ready for accidents. Establish toileting routines that anticipate challenges…for example, always have your child try to go to the bathroom before a car trip or before bundling up in snow pants, etc. Being consistent requires preparation: Leave enough time in your schedule to pause for an emergency poop and pack extra clothes so activities aren’t derailed by accidents. Whatever you do, don’t keep your child in diapers (or insist that they be done with diapers, for that matter) merely because it’s convenient for you. It sends a mixed message.

You also teach toilet training seminars. Is that where you come up with your best bathroom jokes?

I think I was just born with the bathroom joke gene! I find there are two kinds of people in the world: those who think bathroom humor is funny, and those who won’t admit they think it’s funny!

I pretty much get all my best lines (and wisdom) from kids. I appreciate their unfiltered observations of the world. When one of my sons was three and a half and going through the “blurting” phase, we were standing in line at a convenience store. My son pointed to the backside of the man in front of him and said loudly, “That guy’s stinky!” Luckily it was a noisy place and the man didn’t hear! I just gave my son the pleading eyebrows of doom and hoped he wouldn’t say anything else. When we walked out of the store, he asked, perplexed, “Why can’t you say someone’s stinky?” I said, ”That might hurt his feelings.” My son stopped in his tracks and said, “Well! Then he needs to wipe his bottom, ‘cause I could smell it!” I could barely drive home I was laughing so hard. He didn’t associate “stink” with shame, just a lack of hygiene. And he had apparently internalized the message that everyone takes care of their own bottom.

Tell us a little about what it was like growing up in a family with 12 kids.

Funny. Fun. Messy. Noisy. A lot of work, since I was one of the oldest. But a great joy, too! I have seven brothers and didn’t get a sister until I was 9, so I’m sure that formed my tomboy tendencies. Everyone always wants to know about the logistics of having so many kids. We often shared beds and always shared bedrooms. We only had one bathroom until I was in 7th grade, besides a strange, creepy toilet in our Michigan basement (think “dugout”) that anyone only ever used in case of extreme emergencies. It was next to the big old scary furnace and faced into a crawlspace we called the dirt room. Once down there, you were often too scared to go! Our bathroom had a giant claw-foot tub and once it was filled, we took turns (or doubled up) bathing until the water was tepid and gray. We kids got really good at entertaining ourselves: backyard bands with instruments made from giant tinkertoys, epic sledding excursions, walking in small packs anywhere we wanted to go. This tradition continues now that we are adults. My cheeks and sides always hurt from laughing when my family’s around.